It's the truth, I just made it up.
You might think that that is a very childish thing to say, however it is often the way mature responsible adults of both sexes live. Most people are totally unaware of how and why they do what they do, and many times choose to believe and live in reality tunnels that are just make believe. This is great if it gets you what you want if it does not then. Whoops.
Our habitual thoughts become our everyday living reality, as therapists and it does not matter what kind, hypnotists, neuro linguistic programmers or currently my favourite, EFT emotional freedom therapy, one of the things that we do is to discover the clients map of life. In order to do, what they are paying good money to us, to teach them how to become someone different.
This concept that they will have to become someone different and they will not be the same person scares a lot of people yet you have to become a different person in order to be someone different, and along the way you get a lot of skills.
So let me give you an example of "It's the truth I just made it up". One of the things I do is help out people who are using S.S. It's techniques of personal transformation in order to let usually men learn how to become popular with ladies, and for them both to have great relationships. It allows people to have relationships of greater quality and happiness.
I don't teach it, I just help out people who have been on one of Ross Jeffries courses, who may need a little help. Recently I saw a guy who was having a few glitches approaching women, a good looking guy who was just making up stuff in his head, without any evidence, and believing what he was making up was true, and living as if his self deception was real.
Most people who have a glitch in life are doing this, they watch scary movies with their eyes open and frighten themselves, little imaginary voices in their heads tell them things, and they listen, and they get feelings in their body that scare them, all cool stuff and mainly imaginary.
So I took this guy to our local shopping centre and on the way we did a little game, it's called "How many". As we walked to the centre I asked him and I would do the same, to count out how many women he saw, that he found attractive and would like to get to know.
It's only about a mile, I got to 23 he got to 46, when we got to the shopping centre we both stopped as people were wondering why these two guys were counting out loud all the time. Now, the point of this little drill was to show him that beauty is cheep, it is everywhere. All round us are possibilities to meet lovely ladies. They are everywhere. He never realised that before.
So we get to the shopping centre and wonder round for a while and then I spy a couple. Two lovely looking people who by their non-verbal communication I was pretty sure were not in a deep intimate relationship with each other, anyway.
This is always a good test in order to find out what guys are playing in their own minds and what they are doing, a bit of a reality check for them. Now, the example of what my client did applies to other problems as well, if you are overweight, lack confidence in a part of your life, have low self esteem, confidence problems, social anxieties, or a fear of public speaking, you may also be running stuff in your head, like he was, that is allowing you to keep your problem.
So I suggested to Bob, not his real name I just love the sound it makes when you say it like Black Adder, to " Go over to that lovely lady and introduce yourself" " which ever one you choose" by that I meant introduce which ever self you want to, we do have many.
His physiology and state shifted in a second and not into a helpful state, I may as well have asked him to streak in public.
Cool, so he can change his state in a moment, and his physiology, that's a good thing, maybe he has not realised that he has the power to switch it, in an instant. What if I taught him how to do that, in to what ever state he had designed.
So Bob is sitting there in self induced fear, panic and stress with lots of negative voices in his mind and picturing the lovely lady, nailing his penis to the table, remember all this is in his own head, nothing has happened in real life. So far it is all make believe.
So his subconscious mind believes all this is real and he goes in to the typical freeze, fight or run away response. It may also be that he has subconscious incongruence running as well, good more things to fix and more money to make. It's the truth I just made it up.
So I asked Bob what was going on? Now thanks to Ross Jeffries excellent teaching, Bob did have some awareness and had been practising. He just needed a bit of practical guidance.
First of all he said, "I can't do that and I will never be able to" Cool, can't means don't want to or don't know how to. When you come off an auto-pilot response you realise the difference, if it is don't want to, that's one thing. Find out why, and if it is sensible, like don't want to go through the red light because I may be involved in an accident, thats one thing. If it is a subconscious fear and most of them are, and no longer useful, get rid of it, or keep your problem.
I can't. Often when you look at it really means, "I don't know how to, that is a totally different thing, and knowing the difference, makes all the difference. I don't know how to, gives you power and puts you back in the driving seat, it means that you can learn or find out how to do it, how to make the changes, learn the skills and in the process lose the problem. Now all you have to decide is " Is it worth the cost"?
Bob discovered that he "did not know how to". Good.
Now Bob, what about the second part, "I could never do that" "Is that a post hypnotic suggestion that you want your subconscious control mind to accept and make part of your ever day living reality. "How many times have you practiced that skill, rehearsed it and told your brain that it will be this way, and then got pissed off when she did what you asked her to do"? Do you really want to reinforce that self limiting belief, I asked?
The lights were going on.
"Ok Bob, so what are you seeing with your eyes open, what movies are you running in your mind"?
It turned out that if I had been watching and seeing what he was making up, no way on earth would I have given this lovely lady the opportunity to get to know me and enrich her life, she was not the kind of person I would want to know.
I then asked Bob. " What are the little voices saying, your internal dialogue, what are you telling yourself and acting upon, right now?
As with most people it was not nice, it is with good reason that people like "Garry Craig" the creator of EFT, attempt to get people to "Love, accept and appreciate myself"
Many men, talk themselves out of the opportunity to meet lovely people, who's lives they could enrich and spend many mutually beneficial hours, days, weeks, months or years with. Below are some of the things that Bob was saying to himself, basically he was doing a "It's the truth I just made it up" trip on himself. In order to help I have included what I said back.
"I am not her type"
"Cool you can read minds, teach me how to do that please, because even I am unable to do that with one hundred percent success. How do you know she does not fancy you? come on you don't. It is just as accurate that you are the kind of guy she has dreamed of, she is totally boarded with her current partner,
"Someone like that would never fancy someone like me"
"Come on Bob we are back to mind reading again"
"What if that's her boy friend, she's with"
"It may be, or it could be a friend, her brother, next door neighbour. Until you find out you do not know. If it is her boyfriend, most women and men are not with someone who totally satisfies them and are just hanging round with their current lover until someone better comes along, that could be you.
"He might hit me"
"He may however, in a shopping centre with cameras and security guards, but it is a possible danger"
"She might tell me to bugger off"
"Yes, she may, and if she does you re-calibrate, you have got outside a comfort zone, practiced a skill and now know that this lady is not someone you would want in your life, better to know that now, rather than in a years time.
This went on for a while, you get the idea, almost everything he was telling himself was not based on evidence. He was making it up in his head, and acting as if it was true.
Unless we have self awareness and understanding so that we know who and what we are, and come off auto-pilot responses that we habitually do without awareness, we can like Bob live in a world where we act as if our fantasies are real. This is incredibly self limiting and will effect us in many ways, not only the quality of our relationships, but also our lifestyle income, health and happiness.
So what happened to Bob? We did some work, changed the feelings in his body, changed his state, changed his internal dialogue and made those nasty images all small and fuzzy. Did he go over and say high? Yes.