Simple Secondary Gain.
Simple secondary gain is really quite easy to understand as long as we except a very simple idea.
"Every behaviour has a positive intent"
In order for anyone to behave in a certain way do things repeatedly and have developed certain habits, this behaviour must serve a positive purpose. As long as you consider this, everything else makes sense no matter how stupid it may seam.
In personal change work where someone is doing something and can't stop it, any good therapist says "OK how is this serving this client'? or "How did it in the past"
We look for reasons why the client is doing it, and understand that we may have to look in one of two places.
Conscious secondary gain and subconscious or unconscious secondary gaine.
First off Conscious Secondary Gain.
We call it this as at some point in time a decision has been made, at a conscious level of mind, that this is of some benefit to the person, later they may well have forgotten this, choose to forget it, not want to consider it, admit it and may be in total self denial of the possibility. However.
This can range from something simple like a decision to start smoking or drinking in order to cover up some emotional inadequacy. Often young people who lack life skills and maturity believe that these two habits will make them look cool, fit in with the crowd, make them more attractive and give them self confidence.
These are all good reasons at the time, maybe not the best choices, but they do get the result at the time for the person. So they had and may still have a positive intent.
Another example may be.
Stress of some kind. Stress is really one of the most fascinating things. Totally controllable and beneficial and a very useful tool to get things done. With very few exceptions self inflicted. So we are responsible for it and getting rid of it.
What could some of the benefits be of using stress as an excuse. Well first off if we admit we do it to ourselves, we have to take the responsibility to do something about it. We may have to learn new skills, acquire knowledge, practice. Stop blaming others. Ouch.
However if we keep it we may: Get paid sick leave from work. Get to stay at home all day and do what we want.
Not have to make an effort. Keep smoking because we tell others we smoke to relax. Instead of learning how to relax at will.
We may get sympathy and other emotional benefits from family, friends and loved ones. Instead of learning how to do it in nicer ways.
The list could go on and on, I think you get the idea by now.
So what about Subconscious or unconscious secondary gain.
This is the fun one.
Often the client will have no idea as to why the habit continues. It has gone unconscious become a habit an autopilot response and gone in to that part of our old brain that is concerned with survival.
Our subconscious mind or at least at part of it does seam to have a limited intelligence. This part is often called our inner child, by some. At this level of mind decisions can be made and it does seam that decisions are made that effect our lives, sometimes in huge ways.
If we take our old reptilian brain out of the equation for the time being. We are, when we arrive on this planet totally dependent on our parents or the people who care for us. We learn how to be. We learn the skills we need to exist in the little group we belong to.
So we absorb may of the ideas, behaviours, opinions and choices that those around us live by. Basically our child mind makes a decision to survive and watches those around it and says " if I do what they do I will survive, they have"
Our Inner Child is learning. Just like all children it lacks, knowledge, understanding and a rational mind and has not yet gained emotional maturity. So it often excepts a silly thing, stupid things, irrational things and things that make no sense. When you look at it. It is a reality tunnel. All right a proper and how it is meant to be.
A problem can arise if in later life one of these ideas or reality tunnels is not updated with new information, knowledge, facts, experience or a decision that it is no longer useful to live this way, or by these ideas.
Many of the rules we live by are unconscious, much of what drives us is out side our awareness and that is how it is meant to be, it makes our lives easer and more energy efficient.
However if one of those little rules of life is wrong, incorrect or outdated, or is the result of parental, social or religious conditioning for the benefit of others, not us, we unless we have deep personal awareness have no idea about it. Subconscious or unconscious secondary gain.
So, let me give you a simple example.
I often get clients who want to improve the income they have. Once we have gotten all the usual stuff out of the way we get down to the unconscious stuff. It is then that we begin to make conscious some of the subconscious stuff.
What the inner kid may have been told or chosen to believe, or had programmed in to it.
Our beliefs about money decide how much we will have. How many habits we will develop to acquire it.
So if your inner child believes and excepts that money does not make you happy.
Why would it want you to be unhappy.
Why would it hurt you.
So it will do everything possible to stop you being wealthy.
It is really very simple.